Learning through listening

I knew there were certain aspects of listening that I needed to work on (interrupting being one of the big ones) but there was one aspect of listening that I thought I was pretty good at. And that is not ignoring. It drives me crazy when a parent ignores their child and the child is going, "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom." Well, this week as I have focused on listening, I realized that I'm not as good at that as I thought. I have a 4 year old daughter who asks a bajillion questions a day and I realized that I don't always take the time to answer her. Or if I am busy doing something, I will ignore her until she raises her voice with me and then I get angry at her for yelling at me. I also have a 1 year old son who is needy and clingy and sometimes I just want some me time so I ignore his cries for a minute so that I can finish posting on Facebook or reading my email or just trying to find some calm. As I was thinking about this the other day, I thought, "How do I feel when someone is ignoring me?" I don't know about you, but it doesn't make me feel very loved or important. In fact, it makes me feel pretty crappy and makes me angry. Do I want to cause those feelings in my child? The answer is certainly "no". So, this is one area I am definitely working on.

Some other things that I have noticed this week as I have focused on listening to my children:
1) Listening doesn't just mean listening to words, I need to listen to what my child's behavior is saying. As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words."
2) When I really focus on listening to my child, it makes my child feel loved and important and therefore, happy. Which in turn, makes me feel happy. It's a win-win situation.
3) Since I am happier and calmer from my children being happier and calmer, I have more patience not only toward my children, but toward the driver in front of me who is driving so slowly or the lady in the checkout line who is taking forever.
4) When I listen to my children, they are much more willing to listen to me. If I will just listen to my daughter without interrupting her or showing her that I am not really listening by my actions or barking commands at her, but really listen until she has finished expressing whatever it is that she needs to express, then she is much more willing to listen to me (and do what I have asked of her without putting up a fight....it's like a miracle).
5) When I really listen to my children, I am getting to know who they really are. My children blow me away by how funny, smart, creative, loving, etc. they are but sometimes I don't take the time to see that. And when I am focusing on really listening to my child, I get to see the amazing little things about their personality that I might have otherwise missed.
6) Sometimes all my child needs to hear is, "I heard you". I've been amazed to see how those three little words can work wonders on changing the situation. My daughter can be frustrated and in the beginning of a melt-down and I say those three words and she instantly seems calmer and can start to work through her feelings. She just needed for her feelings and emotions to be validated and knowing that I've heard her does just that.

I am excited to continue this journey of becoming a better parent this year by focusing on these positive discipline cards. I think I will have to do this every year as a refresher course....I am sure I will need it. :)